I hung out with my German friend Hanna and her German friend Julia last night. We went to Times Square which I hadn’t done since living in New York City. I had this weird thought out of nowhere: “I’ll bet I’ll randomly run into my old college friend Jonathan Pilkington Kahnt tonight”. It happened to me once before, but I was thinking, “what are the odds of that? There are ten billion people all around” (remember this part for later in the story). We went to see the ginormous Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center but it wasn’t lit up yet and there were ten billion people all around. So we went to Union Square which is an awesome spot. They set up billions of little outside-market-tents on the weekends which I know sounds insanely boring but they’re actually really cool. Then we went to this bookstore called Strand has billions of new, used, and rare books, and this really weird thing happened: I ran into my old school friend Jonathan Pilkington Kahnt! I wasn’t even surprised. I knew it was going to happen.
We watched Men Who Stare At Goats which I thought was really good. The German girls were talking in German a lot which is weird because all you can do in those situations is kind of smile and pretend you are part of the conversation, even though you know they’re saying things about your dorky glasses or something. We were giggly as hell all night. In a cafe I shamelessly showed them the differences between American accents like southern, boston, new york, california, and then different British accents like london and manchester and southwest england which I was mostly pulling out of my butt.
Speaking of the British, I was reading writer/comedian Steve Merchant’s Wikipedia page the other day and this part made me laugh out loud in public:
Merchant’s considerable height (6 ft 7ins or 2.01 m tall) has been a source of humour and teasing throughout his career. He made a cameo appearance in The Office, playing a character called the Ogg-Monster, whom David Brent called “a big lanky goggle-eyed freak” because of his size. The Daily Mail newspaper described him as a “giant albatross hopping on stilts”. Friend and collaborator Ricky Gervais has likened him to an “upright lizard being given electro-shock treatment” and a “stick insect with glasses”, or Beaker from The Muppet Show. Radio producer and co-host of Merchant, Karl Pilkington, has described his moves as a “bit of weird art” in the past, while British comic and broadcaster Russell Brand has likened him to a “graceful grasshopper”.
A “bit of weird art.” Genius.