Where the HELL you been, Uncle Chris Merritt?  Where’s my sporadic demos and ranting? Did you ever decide on a name?  Why aren’t you playing shows?

Hey.  Slow down there, cowboy.  Before I answer your questions, let me ask you a question.  Do you think these four men can make the best record ever made by humans?

Brett Ripley – DRUMS.  Pictured below on the right…I mean left….I mean right?

Sonny Ratcliff – GUITAR.  ARPITS.  VIBRASLAPS.  SWISS ALPENHORN.

Robert McCullough – BASS GUITAR.

And yours truly, Chris Merritt – PUTT PUTT GOLFER.

I’m going to let you in on a little secret.  Are you ready?  Those undies I’m sporting at the 12th hole?  I’m wearing that exact pair as I type this.

I’m hearing lots of music lately.  It’s all 4/4 and it all has the following chord progression (I, V, vi, IV) and it all sucks.  Except some of it, which is beautiful beyond words and doesn’t get the name it deserves.  Bon Iver.  The new Fountains Of Wayne.  David Bazan.  David Mead.

What is your point, Uncle Chris Merritt? Quiet, you.  Your questions will be answered soon.  In the meantime, know this:  I am ready to make my masterpiece.  I have 30 of the best songs I’ve ever written ready to record.  The band and I will be recording all 30 and whittling them down to a 10-or-11-track record.  They will be about science and ethics.  Religion and girls.  Evolution and cartoons.  There will be new, used, and rare time signatures, heartbreaking melodies and…….well, now I’m rambling, ain’t I?

Here’s my point.  Always bring an extra pair of undies to the golf course.  You never know, you may get a hole in one.